AJ and I recently celebrated our third year anniversary. Time has literally flown by. I heard many times over, before we were married, that the first year was hard. I would laugh but never wanted to believe it so I kept my hopes high. Then, I started hearing that the second year was actually harder than the first. Suddenly I found myself bracing for the worst.
We went through the first year step by step. Literally a day. at. a. time. I was constantly digging in my heels, sticking to my guns, and I made it hard. Really, really hard.
Some mornings when I woke up I would lay in bed and wonder why it was so difficult. I’d walk into the bathroom, glance into the mirror, and take a good hard look at myself. I wanted to stick this out. As often as I thought I wanted to give up, I knew I needed to make this work.
The second year started and I was convinced it was going to get easier. It did, at first, then the same issues started to crop up and I knew something needed to change. I needed to change.
When I was single, I had read a bunch of books about what men want, what a man looks for in a woman, how to be a good wife, etc. When times would get tough I’d pull out some of these books again namely, Fascinating Womanhood and The Total Woman to remind myself what I needed to do to make our marriage successful.
They taught me to adapt to his ways of thinking, go along with his plans without question (it’s hard), and really appreciate the things he does for me while embracing the man that he is and his characteristics that I love.
I learned to let things go. I learned to swallow my pride and say sorry. I learned to ask nicely. I learned to explain my emotions, clarify the reasons behind my actions. I learned to see his side of things and ponder his point of view.
These small steps have made all the difference. We still have disagreements but we work through them quicker than we ever had before, minutes vs. days. The best part of it all is that I see him now through a whole new light. I see him for the man that he is, the man I love, and have fallen even harder for him than I ever have before.
I went into marriage knowing we were equals but wanting more say in things. I was wrong and it just caused more riffs. Now we play to our strengths and divide up tasks, ie. bills, finances, repairs, household chores, etc. and it has calmed the storms and smoothed the sails.
I remember to appreciate him every single day and know how lucky I truly am to have him in my life. I remind myself as I glance over at him in the car, see him busy at home, or watch him from a distance how blessed I am that he is my husband, that he chose me. I do not deserve him; yet he is mine.
It is truly the way it should be and honestly, the way I hoped it would be, and I’ve truly never been happier.